Whose Red Eye is it Anyway?
by Aoi Dragon
Summary: For people that love Whose Line and Red Eye. This fic is for you. You are the audience, so read and review!
1. Introduction

Aoi Dragon: This is something I just can't stop thinking about. Yes, I know these characters are never on the show together, but who cares. Remember to review because YOU are the audience! These chapters will be REALLY short… they go by game.

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"Welcome to _Whose Line is it Anyway?_ On tonight's _Red _Eye themed show we have 'I look kind of like Jackson' Jeff Davis! 'I'm not a damsel in distress' Kathy Greenwood! 'There are no slightly balding men in this movie' Colin Mocharie! And 'That's the movie where that woman lost her daughter, right?' Ryan Stiles!" Drew grins at the audience, "I'm your host, Drew Carey. So come on down and let's have some fun."

Drew walked to his desk, "Hello and welcome to _Whose Line is it Anyway?_ The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. Yup the points are just like following a woman for eight weeks. It just doesn't matter because you'll still screw up if you're a guy." The audience laughs, "We have a special treat for you tonight. This episode is going to be themed to the movie _Red Eye_." Many fan girls in the audience cheer, "If you've never seen the show before here's how it goes. The performers in front of you are going to participate in several games and make up things right off the top of their heads. That's right ladies and gentlemen, no scripts here, just written suggestions off these cards," Drew holds up a few of his cards, "and from the audience. So, let's start off with a game called 'super hero.' Colin will start off. Now, I need a suggestion from the audience of a super hero name for Colin and a crisis."

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Aoi Dragon: Yes, I know it's really short… So REVIEW YOU PEOPLE! REVIEW!


	2. Super Hero

Aoi Dragon: Well, not much audience participation here. So I'm just going to come up with my own super hero name. The crisis, I guess will be Bob and Maryanne Taylor as suggested by BregoBeauty. Thanks!

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"I like Captain Newbie!" Drew exclaims, "And I also like the crisis of Bob and Maryanne Taylor's check in. Colin you will start and name your friends as they come in. So, Colin, what are you going to do?"

Colin gives a grin and a thumbs up, "Well, now we have the new computer system and the new costume… the new alarm system… Yes, everything is new in the high-rise of Newb'. NEWBE! NEWBE! NEWBE! NEWBE! Oh my gosh! It seems that there is a crisis! Bob and Maryanne Taylor have lost their reservation! What will I do! I don't know how to work this thing! I hope my super friends arrive…"

"Sorry I'm late." Jeff jumps heroically on stage.

"Thank god you're here Captain Sadist with a sadistic plan to take over the world." Colin says.

"Yes." Jeff rubs his hands together, as if he were Mr. Burns from _The Simpsons_, "Everything shall go according to plan."

"We have a problem. Bob and Maryanne Taylor have lost they're reservation and I don't know how to work anything in this high-rise because it's all new!" Colin says in a panicked voice.

"Well, Bob and Maryanne Taylor are just part of my master plan. Yes." Jeff continues to rub his hands together.

"Don't worry, I am here." Kathy walks in.

"Yes… Extremely pissed off woman, you shall be part of my plan as well. Yes." Jeff grins sadistically.

"You were supposed to call!" Kathy yells at Colin, "You never care to call, you never care to write and you expect me to come all the way here to help you with some stupid crisis? Oh the nerve!"

"Got stuck in traffic. What did I miss?" Ryan stumbles on stage.

"And YOU," Kathy yells, hesitating for a moment, "Knows everything about politics man! YOU never even talk to me!"

"Well, if you take a look at the popular votes from the states and the votes from the Electoral College, they both say that they don't like you, so I won't be talking to you any time soon." Ryan says.

"We have a new crisis on our hands!" Colin says, "Does anyone know how to work this thing?"

"Sure." Ryan walks up to the front of the stage and pretends to type, "You just need a little bit of persuasion to get out the many bugs in your system. Then you need to promise it things that you never intend to keep while you're in office," Ryan then whispers, "but, of course, they don't know that."

"Oh, I don't care about this stupid thing!" Kathy cries and kicks the invisible machine.

"It says call the manager… Yes… I should call a manager to be my underling for my plot." Jeff rubs his hands together again as he leaves.

"Well, I need to make sure the people in Florida didn't screw up the vote count." Ryan leaves.

"YOU BETTER CALL ME OR YOU'LL BE SORRY!" Kathy yells at Colin before she leaves.

Colin rubs the inside of his ear, "Well, another crisis averted. Now I just have to figure out how to use my new phone."

BUZZ!

"That was great. 1000 Points for Kathy for screeching in Colin's ear." Drew says, "Now, let's go on to a game called 'Let's make a date.' This is for everyone again. Kathy, you are going to be on a dating type show and Ryan Colin and Jeff are going to be the bachelors." Ryan, Colin and Jeff each look at their cards, "Each bachelor has a strange quirk or identity, and you have to guess who they are."

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Aoi Dragon: I've already decided that Jeff is going to have Jackson's personality, but I need suggestions for who Ryan and Colin should be. There's Keefe, Cynthia, Joe, Rebecca, one of the flight attendants, that jerk of a doctor, one of the teenage boys (headphone kid and his brother)… You could even choose Wes Craven if you like. So PLEASE review and tell me what you'd like to see.


	3. Dating Game

Aoi Dragon: Well, here's the dating game! Enjoy. Try to guess who's who (Just Colin and Ryan because we already know who Jeff is (Jackson)) before Kathy does. And remember to review at the end because I NEED audience input. By the way, this is all off the top of my head (with a few minor changes for flow), so it's just like Whose Line.

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"Ok, bachelor Number 1…"

"Hi." Jeff grins.

"Wow you have a nice smile." Kathy smiles.

"Thank you."

"Anyways, what would your perfect idea of a date be?" Kathy asks.

"Well, first I would get to know you. Spend… oh… eight weeks watching everything you do every single day. And then I would bring you your favorite brand of chocolate before we go out to a bar where I buy you a drink." Jeff smiles with a slight mischievous sparkle in his eyes, "And we just talk from there."

"That sounds like… fun." Kathy smiles slightly, "Bachelor number two."

"Hello." Colin says in a thick Texas accent.

"If I was going through an emotional crisis, how would you help me?" Kathy asks.

"Well, first you would have to take a few deep breaths. We would discuss it… maybe on my show or I would just interview you for one of my books. I would give you the sound advice that you would need to continue in life as normal." Colin says.

"Well, that's nice of you." Kathy nods, "Bachelor Number 3."

"What?" Ryan glares at her.

"Oh… Aren't we in a bad mood."

"Well, I just want to get the hell out of here! I have a family at home and many things to do." He says crossly, "I've been sitting her for an hour and Mr. Sociopath and Baldy here get to go before me. How does that work?"

"Well, I'm sorry, but it usually goes Bachelor Number 1, 2, 3." Kathy points out.

"Yeah, well, I want to see some movement! I want to get in, and go home. And soon!" Ryan glares again.

"Alright, but may I ask you a question?"

"That's a question right there, so you already asked your question." Ryan points out.

"Ok… Bachelor Number 1."

Jeff smiles again, "Hello again."

"I just love your smile." Kathy says giddily, "If I was being bothered by someone in a bar, what would you do to help me out?"

Jeff's smile becomes a wicked smirk, "Well, first, I would push him away from you and say that you are MINE. If he tried to argue I would slit his throat with a 12 inch KA-BAR… that's a knife… and gut him like a fish. Then I would call my boss and ask to have the clean up crew cover up the mess."

"That… sounds kind of disgusting… But ok." Kathy smiles, "Bachelor Number 2…"

Colin rubs his upper lip, "Damn this thing is annoying."

"Right. Bachelor Number 2, if you were to give me a gift, what would it be?"

"Well, first…You need to know exactly what you want." Colin says, "Then you need to communicate with me as to what you would like to make sure that we all know exactly what the other wants. Communication is the key in a relationship, and if there is none, the bond will fall apart."

"Oh, that sounds very professional like." Kathy smiles. "Bachelor Number 3…"

"Are we flying out of here yet?" Ryan asks.

"You really need to control your temper." Colin interjects calmly, "There is no use in yelling. It will only make your situation seem worse than it really is. You are over reacting."

"I don't think I was talking to you, Baldy." Ryan glares at Colin.

"Why don't you just go to another place and let this pretty young woman chose her date." Jeff glares.

"But she –"

"She has probably not been laid in two years, and I suspect that she is a lot more desperate than you are, so why don't you just shut up and move on."

Ryan glares at Jeff who glares right back. Then Ryan mutters, "This dating service sucks." And walks back to his chair.

BUZZ!

"I don't know how you're going to guess." Drew smirks as Ryan walks back to his stool.

"Well, I'm pretty sure that Jeff is Jackson Rippner." Kathy smirks. Jeff nods and claps, "And Ryan was that disgruntled airlines passenger." Ryan nods. "And Colin… I'm really not sure…"

"I can't do a Texas accent." Colin smiles sheepishly.

"He's some psychiatrist that has a TV show and has written lots of books?" Kathy shrugs.

"And his name is… He's from Texas." Drew gives a clue.

"OH! What's his name… Ummm… DR. PHIL!" Kathy says excitedly.

BUZZ!

"That's right." Drew claps, "1000 points to every one. That was great. Now we go on to a game called Questions Only. I need a scene from the beginning of _Red Eye_. It can be the bar scene, the scene where they're waiting in line, a scene on the Keefe's plane… Anything."


	4. Questions Only

Aoi Dragon: Here's the next chapter, Questions Only. I'm doing this off the top of my head, once again, so it's realistic. Remember to R&R! Enjoy.

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"Ryan and Kathy will start. Your scene is you're in an airport waiting for a red eye flight." Drew says.

Ryan crashes in to Kathy and she looks appalled, "Why don't you watch where you're going?"

"Did I spill coffee on you?" Ryan asks.

"Can't you see the stain on my shirt?"

"Should I help you wipe it off?"

"Don't you see the hot guy at the bar waiting for me?"

"Which hot guy?"

"Don't you know that I will have to change clothes because of you?"

"Do I look like I'm you?"

Kathy laughs slightly.

BUZZ.

Colin walks on, "Why did you spill coffee on that poor woman?"

"Does it look like I saw her?"

"You didn't see her?"

"Does it look like I was paying attention to where I was going?"

"Are you being a smart ass?"

"I'm done." Colin walks off.

BUZZ.

"Yes!" Ryan says as Kathy walks on.

"Why are you in the women's bathroom?" Kathy asks.

Ryan laughs.

BUZZ.

Jeff walks on, "What happened to you?"

"Did you see the lady that crashed in to me with that coffee?" Kathy motions to Ryan.

"Was it amusing?"

Kathy shakes her head, "Is this seat at the bar taken?"

"What'll you have?"

"Why should I have a drink with you?"

"Can I buy if I guess your drink?"

"Why not?"

"Do you like… vodka?"

"Isn't vodka the best?"

"Do you like it sweetened?"

"Isn't it a little sour otherwise?"

Jeff nods, "Do you like a Cosmo or is that too common?"

"Why would a Cosmo be common?"

"How about a Screwdriver?"

"Are those any good?"

"How about pineapple or grapefruit?"

"Aren't those both really sour?"

"Don't you sweeten it?"

"Are you going to guess or not?"

"What about a grapefruit Sea Breeze?"

"Can I have a Bay Breeze?"

Jeff clenches his jaw at loss for words.

BUZZ.

Ryan walks on, "Should I apologize to you for peeking at you in the ladies' room?"

Kathy laughs and walks off.

BUZZ.

Colin walks on, "What are you listening to, bro?"

"Have you ever heard of the Bare Naked Ladies?" Ryan asks.

"Can't you just go to the beach once we get to Miami?"

"Don't you see the girl sitting near us?"

"Are you imagining her naked?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Isn't she beautiful?"

Colin's mouth opens and closes, "I…"

BUZZ.

Kathy walks on, "Where is my Bay Breeze?"

"Did you ordered it?"

"Why wouldn't I order something at a bar?"

"I don't know." Ryan walked off.

BUZZ.

Jeff walked on, "Did I ever tell you my name's Jackson?"

"Did I tell you my name, Lisa?"

"Is your drink too sour?"

Kathy shakes her head, "So is it Jack for short?"

"Would you like being called Jack if your last name was Rippner?"

"Why would your parents be so cruel?"

"Would you believe that I killed then because of that?"

"Did they deserve it?"

Jeff laughs and says, "So are you in Texas on hotel business?"

"Did I tell you that my grandma died?"

"How old was she?"

"Do you think 91 is respectable?"

"Why wouldn't that be?"

Kathy shrugs, "Do you think this plane is ever going to take off?"

"Don't you see that I'm about to get a phone call?"

Kathy opens her mouth, "Ummm… Ok…" She walks off.

BUZZ.

Colin walks on and pretends to be on the phone, "Did you get her yet, boss?"

"Do you think we've even taken off yet?"

"You haven't taken off yet?"

"Don't you know that it's been raining here?"

"Does it look like I'm in Texas?"

"Are you doing your job?"

BUZZ

"That's all the time we have for this game. We're going to move on." Drew says as everyone returns to their seats, "Next we're going to do a game called Narrate. This is for Colin and Ryan. I want a place from _Red Eye_ for this film noir scene."


	5. Narrate AKA Film Noir

Aoi Dragon: Well, here's an update. It's a film noir that takes place on the airplane with Lisa and Jackson… Of course we get to go inside their heads… This will make it funny and interesting.

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"Ok! We got a scene." Drew says, "Ryan and Colin are on the red eye flight and are sitting next to each other as Lisa, that would be Colin," Colin gives a sarcastic smile and a thumbs up, "and Jackson, that would be Ryan. And… go."

Colin turns to the audience, "I didn't know who I was going to be sitting next to, but I was hoping it would be that good looking guy, Jackson, from the bar." He turns to Ryan, "Oh… Hi… Again."

Ryan smiles, "Hi." He turns to the audience, "Of course I knew she would be sitting next to me. I had planned it that way. I would play with her mind some more." He turns back to Colin, "You need a bell hop?"

"No. I got it." Colin said, but Ryan put the suitcase up in to the over head compartment. Colin pretends to hit his head on the ceiling, "OW!" Colin held the back of his head and turned to the audience, "I knew I was drunk. I had had one too many glasses of wine at the funeral… and then that bay breeze… I was completely wasted."

"Are you ok?" Ryan asked. Colin nodded as Ryan came next to him as if they were sitting on an airplane, "Well, what are the odds?" He takes a step towards the audience, "I knew the odds were good. It was all part of my plan to take over the world! MUAHAHAHAHA!"

Colin stares at Ryan, "You realize that that's not in the movie…"

"No. I haven't seen it." Ryan smirks.

"Hmmm… must be the vicissitudes of Fate." Colin says and takes a step towards the audience, "I had just seen _V for Vendetta_, and I think vicissitudes is a really interesting word…" He turns back to Ryan, "I think we'll be taking off soon." They start shaking to simulate turbulence, "AH! AH! AH! AH!" Colin screams sarcastically, "I'm afraid of flying! AH! AH! AH!"

"So… your Grandma…" Ryan steps out again, "I had no clue what I was talking about… I haven't seen the movie and I only had the material that had been said so far to work with."

"My Grandma was my Mom's mom. My parents are divorced and my Mom lives in Texas." Colin says panicked. He steps out towards the audience, "I didn't know where he was going with this, but as long as I wasn't screaming, it was much better on the hydraulics on the plane set." He steps back, "Thanks for distracting me."

"Oh that's not what I'm doing." Ryan says. He steps out towards the audience, "I really didn't know what I was doing. Maybe it was part of the job; maybe I'm some pervert… I really don't have a clue about my character… I'm just hoping that I'm not a psychiatrist… like Dr. Jonathan Crane."

"So… what do you do?" Colin asked and steps out towards the audience, "He was starting to get suspicious. I was hoping that he wasn't trying to flashily assassinate someone of high status… say a specific Secretary of Homeland Security. Or try to over throw the government" He steps back and waits for Ryan to answer.

He keeps a straight face as he says, "Flashy high profile assassinations and government overthrows."

"You're a spy…" Colin steps out, "It was a stupid suggestion because he was probably Americans… American spies go to other countries to assassinate people. And I was betting that he couldn't shoot worth crap." He looks at Ryan who is shaking his head, "Hit man?"

"I'm a lousy shot." Ryan says and then steps towards the audience, "I didn't get why she couldn't understand that my job was managing assassinations and government overthrows… It was a simple job… at least I wasn't hijacking the plane."

"Well, what ever you do is your own business." Colin says.

"Well as the vicissitudes of Fate might have it," Ryan says using Colin's earlier words, "My business is all about you."

Colin steps out, "I was now thoroughly creeped out by this guy… Had he been stalking me? Was that why he guessed my drink correctly?" He turns to Ryan, "I don't know where you're going with this, but I don't like it. Stewardess!"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Ryan says and steps out towards the audience, "I had a plan… It was a good plan so she wouldn't rat me out to the stupid stewardess… I had… her… Dad… as leverage."

"What are you going to do?" Colin asks when Ryan steps back, "Tell me that you have my Dad's wallet in your pocket and a hit man outside his house?"

"Exactly." Ryan reveals HIS wallet and Colin gives a girly gasp, "You tell the flight attendant and your Dad dies."

BUZZ.

"Ok. That was good. 2000 points to Ryan for his very good guess work while never having seen the movie." Drew says, "Next we go on to a game called Scene to Rap. And the scene is before, during and after the bathroom sequence."

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Aoi Dragon: This next game is going to be interesting… I'm going to have Rebecca, Lisa, Jackson and that Stewardess. Great… I have to write some poetry type stuff… This is going to be hard.


	6. Scene to Rap

Aoi Dragon: I suck at rap, and I don't listen to rap… So… I'll try… I'm good at poetry… that's close enough by my standards… and anyways, with the exception of Wayne, none of the Whose Line crew can REALLY rap… At least of the crew I've chosen. We're getting towards the end… I think there's going to be one more game and then the thank you's… Enjoy. And remember to review.

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Drew looks at Jeff for a second, "You know, now that I think about it, you don't look like Cillian Murphy at all."

"Yeah, I know. I don't know why some people say that." Jeff smirks.

"I guess it's your feminine good looks." Drew smirked back. Jeff just grins cutely and Drew continues, "I know none of you can really rap with out Wayne, but you can all at least try." Drew snickers, "Colin and Kathy will start first."

Kathy sighs and starts:

"I think he knows that I don't really have to pee,

But I just need time to plan with out him hovering over me.

I'll get away and keep him at bay

And some how after all this, I'll save the day."

Colin walks in:

"I'm that little girl you saw talking to her mom.

I can't really rap 'cause I'm a Canadian."

Colin does some fancy moves. Kathy smirks and continues:

"I'm now in the lavatory; now you know.

At least I don't have that freaky guy in tow.

I cry and cry and soon become strong.

I write on the mirror, I hope nothing goes wrong."

Jeff comes in:

"I was wondering… Holy cow.

Tell me; tell me, what have you done now?

Do you like gambling with Dad's life?

Oh what's this? Who cut you with a knife?"

Kathy winces:

"I don't know what you're talking about.

Don't look at me like some sick trout."

Jeff sneers:

"Is that what is troubling you?

You must know we're playing a game too.

Just don't fuss and you'll be ok.

Continue to behave and things will be fair play."

Ryan walks on:

"I'm the clueless flight attendant who saw you exit that room.

I hope you weren't doing the boom boom.

If you were, this isn't a hotel

So if you're going to do that, things won't go so well."

Kathy gets to close:

"I've grabbed a pen before Jackson sits too.  
When the plane lands I'm going to stick it in that piece of poo."

BUZZ!

"Well that was great! 1000 points for the trout comment. We're going to conclude now and I'm going to join and the winner is going to sit and make fun of us as we act out the last scene of the fight at the house in the game Props!" Drew smiles.


	7. Props

Aoi Dragon: Well, it's been a while. I couldn't think of props, but now I have some inspiration… I think… Enjoy this last game. It's not very long… Thus it warrants two chapter updates.

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"Welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter." Drew grins as he stands next to Jeff, "Yep, the points don't matter, just like a 12 inch KA-BAR against a field hockey stick. It just doesn't matter. Tonight's winner is Kathy Greenwood! Great job Kathy. The last game of the night is going to be props."

"Here are the props for Jeff and Drew." Kathy hands Jeff some squishy looking white pillow-like things, "And the props for Colin and Ryan." She hands Colin two fun noodles, "Have fun."

"And Colin and Ryan will go first." Drew points to them.

Colin puts the fun noodle behind Ryan's neck as if he had been stabbed, "Oh, it doesn't look too bad." Colin says as Ryan grabs him by the shirt.

BUZZ.

Drew whacks Jeff with the squishy pillow-like thing, and Jeff falls, "My duffel bag got caught on the chair." Drew shrugs to the audience as Jeff glares at him.

BUZZ.

Ryan tries to tie the fun noodle around his neck, "How do I look? Pretty feminine, huh?"

BUZZ.

Drew takes the two squishy pillow-like things and closes them in front of him with a blurry finger as Jeff smacks in to them.

BUZZ.

Colin and Ryan start fighting with the fun noodles and hitting each other on the head.

BUZZ.

"Ummm…." Drew throws both squishy pillow-like things at Jeff, and he falls down.

BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!

"Now, Ryan is going to read the credits as Charles Keefe thanking everybody who participated in saving his life." Drew announces.


	8. Credits

Aoi Dragon: Credits. Last chapter. SAD. :( And I'm actually going to give credit to everybody, including my reviewers. Look for your name!

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"Ok, welcome back." Drew smiles, "Ryan is going to read the credits for us as Charles Keefe thanking everybody who helped save his life and his family's life."

"Thank you to Carl Ellsworth for creating this story, which I still haven't seen." Ryan says, "Thanks to Wes Craven for bringing the story alive. Thank you to Rachel McAdams for saving my life and the life of my family. We will be sending Cillian Murphy to jail for this, and no one will ever sit next to him on a plane again… except his fan girls and wife. Thank you to Brian Cox for being the best worry wart Dad ever. Thank you to Jayma Mays for just doing what she's told so she helped get to suite 4080 very quickly. Thanks to Jack Scalia for being himself. Thanks to Kyle Gallner for letting Rachel take the really cool Frankenstein pen. Thanks to Colby Donaldson for not turning his mission into an episode of _Survivor_.

"Thanks to the reviewers, ilovejackson0591, Imshi, moonechi, emptyvoices, Singalong, BregoBeauty, Nina Moore, JazzyMcWier, Itti-bitti, poodlepuppy, plays-with-stars, RachelDawes2005, RoseTeaCup, Blair. Thank you all for making this trip to Miami worth while. Please re-elect me because I am awesome. Thank you."

END!

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Aoi Dragon: I hope you enjoyed this episode of _Whose Line is it Anyway?_ Now I just have to keep working on my other fics. One down… many to go. Later!


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